Bowling Green
by Mr. Semaj
Summary: Bowling is no longer a dead sport in Arlen. Hank and Bobby each develop their own bowling teams. But both are not without their fair share of problems. Meanwhile, Connie finally begins to date Joseph!
1. Chapter 1

**King of the Hill**

**Bowling Green**

written by: Mr. Semaj

**Act I**

**Scene I - Late for School**

_It is Friday morning. All is quiet in the neighborhood, until, someone is seen scrambling out the back door._

_Bobby is putting on his backpack and nibbling on a plain piece of toast as he prepares for school. He runs to grab his bicycle._

_Joseph is also scrambling out the front door. He goes to grab his bicycle, and takes off with Bobby._

**Bobby**: "My God! I can't believe we overslept! I just hope we make it for first period."

**Joseph**: "Dude, you just said, 'period...'"

**Bobby**: "Now's really not the time, Joseph!"

_The boys rush off to Arlen High School. They park their bikes on a bike rack, and rush up the front stairs, through the front doors, and off to their classroom. Bobby looks at his watch, and the time is 8:01AM._

_As the boys zip through the hallway, they pass a nearby bulletin board. One flyer is a message from the Student Activities Chairperson, encouraging students to create new activities for the yearbook._

_In a classroom, the teacher, Mrs. Lockwood is taking attendance._

**Mrs. Lockwood**: "Lee?"

**Lee**: "Here."

**Mrs. Lockwood**: "Mary?"

**Mary**: "Present."

**Mrs. Lockwood**: "Floyd?"

**Floyd**: "Christmas."

_The class giggles. The teacher gives a stern look, and continues with attendance. Bobby and Joseph burst through the front door, and tumble onto the floor._

**Mrs. Lockwood**: "Bobby Hill and Joseph Gribble..." _(marks card)_ "Late again."

**Bobby**: "But we're still on time for first period, Mrs. Lockwood."

**Mrs. Lockwood**: _(checks watch) _"Not on my watch. Both of you report for detention after school."

**Joseph**: "Not again!"

**Bobby**: "Aw, poo."

_The class giggles again, as the boys take their seats._

_Connie nods her head disapprovingly._

**Samantha**: _(whispering)_ "Those guys are totally immature."

**Connie**: "All boys are immature."

**Scene II - Weekend Weariness**

_An hour after the end of the school day, Bobby and Joseph leave detention. They head home._

_As they ride home, Bobby notices some unusual squeaking in Joseph's bicycle._

**Bobby**: "Joseph, maybe you should get that front tire checked."

**Joseph**: "Nah, it's always like that. It'll be fine."

_At the Hills' residence, Peggy is watering the ferns on Bobby's trophy case. Bobby opens the front door._

**Peggy**: "It's Friday!"

**Bobby**: "Thank God."

**Peggy**: "And what do you plan on doing this weekend, son?"

**Bobby**: "I dunno. Probably nothing I haven't already done before." _(trots off to his room)_

**Peggy**: _(to herself)_ "Mmm..." _(continues watering plants)_

**Scene III - Trouble at Work**

_Meanwhile, at Strickland Propane, Buck Strickland calls all of the employees to a meeting._

**Strickland**: "People, simmer down. We have a crisis on our hands..."

**Enrique**: "We ran outta paper clips again! _Por que!_"

**Strickland**: "Um, no...Thatherton created his own bastard bowling team, and he's put up to the challenge. Now, any of y'all got any clever names for our own team?"

**Donna**: "But we don't have a bowling team."

**Strickland**: "That's why we gotta come up with a clever name!"

"God, I'm talking in circles!"

**Enrique**: "Hmm...How about the Arlen Átomos?"

**Strickland**: "No."

**Joe Jack**: "The Arlen Aggressors?"

**Strickland**: "Nuh-uh."

**Donna**: "The Arlen Acoustics?"

**Strickland**: "No! People will confuse us with the Arlen Symphony Orchestra!"

_Hank thinks for a moment, then has an idea._

**Hank**: "I got it! How about the Arlen Aeronauts?"

**Strickland**: "That's it, Hank!"

"Picture this, people; a nice, big blimp, advertising some cold, frosty Alamo during halftime at a Cowboys game."

_The crowd murmurs approvingly._

**Strickland**: "Then it's settled! When we work together as a family, we will take down those sum-a bitches, and we will take the sport of bowling to infinity, and beyond!"

_Everybody cheers and applauds._

**Scene IV - Saturday Bowling**

_The next afternoon, Hank is sitting on the couch changing the channels. Bobby walks into the living room appearing quite bored._

**Hank**: "Rough week, son?"

**Bobby**: "Yeah, Dad."

**Hank**: "Well, you know what I always say about bad days..."

**Hank & Bobby**: "Be thankful that God allows another day."

**Hank**: "Come on, Bobby. There's better things to do on a Saturday than loafing around the house. Let's watch some sports."

**Bobby**: "Well, I was gonna watch _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_, but okay."

_Hank presses the remote, and changes the channel to the sports network. The bowling program is on._

**Announcer #1**: "...and Mr. Vitti is up for the fifth frame." _(pause)_ "Just look at that concentration."

**Announcer #2**: "A force to be reckoned with."

_Mr. Vitti walks up, and throws the ball down the lane as the audience begins cheering. _

_It curves slightly, and knocks down eight of the ten pins. Audience then aw's at the 7-10 split._

**Announcer #1**: "Ooh, the death toll for bowlers worldwide--the seven-ten split!"

_Mr. Vitti waits for his ball to return. When his ball returns, he walks up to the platform._

**Announcer #2**: _(whispers)_ "It will take absolute silence to get this one."

_Mr. Vitti throws the ball towards the right, just edging the gutter. It bumps the right pin, which deflects into the left pin. He picks up a spare, as the audience roars!_

**Bobby**: "Geez, You'd think this was golf or something."

**Hank**: "That's what makes sports so much fun, Bobby."

"Bowling is on the caliber of football, baseball, _and _golf. You can truly _feel _that rush at the most suspenseful turns."

**Bobby**: _(touches his belly)_ "Yeah...and it feels...GREAT!"

**Announcer #1**: "Next up is Mr. Collier. He's already up by four pins."

_Mr. Collier walks up to the platform. He pauses in stance, walks up, and throws the ball down the lane._

_The ball curves slightly, and knocks down all ten pins! The audience cheers on._

**Hank**: "Alright!" Now there's a couple of professionals.

**Bobby**: "I never thought bowling could be so exhilarating."

**Hank**:_ (looks at Bobby) _"I never thought you'd know the definition of 'exhilarating'."

**Bobby**: "Until today. Dad, I know what I want to do today."

**Hank**: "Get ready now. We'll be leaving as soon as this game is over."

_The next bowler goes up, throws ball, and picks up a spare. The audience cheers and applauds._

**Scene V - Crush**

_In the mid-afternoon hours, Connie and Luanne are walking Doggie and Ladybird. They have a casual conversation._

**Connie**: "So the stratocumulus clouds are the ones that produce light precipitation. The nimbostrati are the ones that produce moderate precipitation, which can be rain, sleet, or snow. They're just the lower-level clouds, but they're quite easy to distinguish."

**Luanne**: "Okay, but, which kind of clouds are the ones that help Lucky with his Lucky Charms?"

_Just then, Joseph zooms by on his bicycle. The girls don't notice that he's attempting a stunt, until, they hear a bump, and then a crash._

_The girls turn around, and see a banged up bicycle, with Joseph struggling with a strained leg. Connie hands Luanne Doggie's leash as she goes over to help him._

**Connie**: "Joseph! Joseph? Are you okay?"

**Joseph**: _(straining)_ "I think so. My knee hurts."

**Connie**: "I warned you about doing that back-wheel stunt. Where does it hurt?"

**Joseph**: "Here." _(points at a bump)_

**Connie**: "Well, there's no scabs, or bleeding. You should be alright."

**Joseph**: "Thanks, Connie."

_Joseph looks up at Connie. Connie looks into Joseph's eyes, and suddenly sees a helpless glare in his eyes._

**Luanne**: _(calling) _"Do you guys need help over there?"

**Connie**: _(calls back)_ "We're okay, Luanne."

_(to Joseph)_ "Well, bye, Joseph."

**Joseph**: "See ya, dude." _(he gets up, and carries his damaged bike home on a limp leg)_

_As Luanne and Connie continue walking their dogs, Connie looks back at Joseph...she blushes._

**Scene VI - Bowling Alley **

_At the bowling alley, Hank and Bobby are tying their bowling shoes._

**Bobby**: "I just realized that we don't go bowling very often."

**Hank**: "Well, there's lots of things we never get to do. But today, that's gonna change."

_Hank unzips his bowling bag, and pulls out an old ball. He blows the dust off._

**Hank**: "See, Bobby. This is my bowling ball. I've had this thing since my championship title of 1983. Someday, son, you will get your own bowling ball."

**Bobby**: "What color would you recommend?"

**Hank**: "Anything you want."

**Bobby**: "How about yellow?"

**Hank**: "Naw."

**Bobby**: "You're right, too weird. I know! I'll get a purple...I mean, mauve ball!"

**Hank**: "That's a start."

_The two prepare for their first frame._

**Hank**: "Okay, what you wanna do is get in the right position." _(grabs ball)_

**Bobby**: "Okay."

**Hank**: "You gotta position yourself against the pins according to the directory arrows."_ (focuses ball on central arrow)_

"Once you got the right aim, you throw it straight..." _(takes a step forward)_ "..at..." _(takes another step)_ "...that..." _(another step)_ "...arrow!" _(throws ball)_

_The ball rolls straight down the lane, and hits the front pin, resulting in a strike._

**Hank**: "Your turn."

_Bobby picks up his ball, but instead of putting his fingers in the holes, proceeds to toss the ball down the lane with his full hands. The ball flies in the air, and thuds midway. It makes a sharp curve left, just barely knocking down the back pin._

**Hank**: _(sighs) _"Weren't you paying attention, Bobby?"

**Bobby**: "It's not as easy as you make it look, Dad."

**Hank**: "Here, go try again. This time, I'll go over it step by step."

_Bobby gets his ball once it returns._

**Hank**: "Put your fingers into the holes." _(Bobby puts his fingers into the holes)_

_(points)_ "Up to the platform,"_ (Bobby goes up)_

"Put the ball into position." _(Bobby raises ball)_

"Aim it." _(Bobby tries to aim ball at center arrow)_

"Now, take three steps forward."

"One." _(Bobby takes a step forward)_

"Two."_ (Another step)_

"Three." _(Final step)_

_Bobby throws ball. The ball makes a slight curve. It knocks down eight pins._

**Hank**: _(nods approvingly)_ "Good start."

**Scene VII - Until Next Time**

_Later that day, there is a knock at the Gribbles' front door. Nancy answers._

**Nancy**: "Oh, hello."

**Luanne**: "I came over to fix Joseph's bike, Mrs. Gribble."

**Nancy**: "It's right in the garage, Sug."

_Luanne walks over to the garage with her toolbox, where the door is open. She sees the bike, and begins to inspect the damages. Luanne spins the crooked front wheel, then takes out a wrench, and starts working on the bolts._

_Just then, Connie comes over._

**Connie**: "Luanne."

**Luanne**: "Connie. What are you doing here?"

**Connie**: "Uh, I just came by to watch you fix Joseph's bike..." _(starts twiddling with her hair)_ "And...uh...perhaps see if Joseph is home."

**Luanne**: "He's not home right now. Why?"

**Connie**: _(nervous)_ "Well, I was kinda wondering if he and I could watch some television together." _(giggles as she begins blushing)_

**Luanne**: "Wait, I know that look...you have a crush on Joseph, don't ya?"

**Connie**: _(meekly)_ "Yes."

_(starts twiddling her fingers)_ "So...what do you think of Joseph?"

**Luanne**: "Hmm...he's okay. I always thought he had a crush on me, not that I hated him or anything, he just wasn't my type."

**Connie**: _(walks over to Luanne)_ "Well, funny thing about that, because..." _(whispers in Luanne's ear)_

**Luanne**: "And all this time, I thought Bobby was ogling _me_."

**Connie**: "Yeah, talk about perverted."

_Brief silence._

**Connie**: "So...see ya when I see ya."

**Luanne**: "Okay. Buh-bye." _(Connie takes off)_

_Luanne resumes inspecting the bicycle, as she and Connie informally go their separate ways in the foreseeable future._

**Scene VIII - Ready to Bowl**

_Bobby aims the bowling ball._

_He throws. The ball curves slightly, and he picks up a 4-9-10 split._

_The machine records the final scores: Hank - 155, Bobby - 98._

_Hank and Bobby prepare to go home at closing time._

**Hank:** "Good job, Bobby. In no time, you'll be a pro-bowling athlete!"

**Bobby**: "Yeah. Bowling is not as hard as they'll have you believe!"

**Hank**: "Like most things, it's not hard at all once you apply yourself."

"Here's an idea; you can have your own bowling team! It'll give you something to do every weekend."

**Bobby**: "Yeah! In fact, they've been pushing for a new activity at high school lately."

**Hank**: "Well, there ya go. Of course, you'll have to come up with a clever team name."

_Bobby looks out the window at a nearby billboard. "Call your local travel agent to experience a thrill in Civil Aviation."_

**Bobby**: "How about...the Arlen Aviators?"

_Hank nods affirmatively._

**Bobby**: "This is awesome! We each got ourselves a bowling team!"

**Hank & Bobby**: "Woo!"

_Hank continues driving his truck into the sunset._

_**(end of Act I)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**King of the Hill**

**Bowling Green**

written by: Mr. Semaj

**Act II**

**Scene I - Recruiting Members**

_On Monday, during lunch hour, Bobby has a discussion with the Student Activities Chairperson, Daniel, about his new proposal for a bowling team._

**Daniel**: "I don't know, Bobby. Bowling doesn't seem to be very popular around here. And we already have enough problems with our lacrosse team."

**Bobby**: "I promise you, Daniel, it'll be really great!"

"This is just the kind of thing Arlen High needs; a winning sports team! With my supervision, I guarantee you a trophy before the end of the school year!"

_Daniel ponders the thought..._

**Daniel**: "Bobby, you got yourself a team!" _(shakes hand)_

**Bobby**: "All right!" _(clenches fist)_

_Later, Bobby designs a poster, and makes many copies in the school's print room. _

_He posts flyers on all of the high school bulletin boards announcing his new bowling team. Bowling tryouts are scheduled for Tuesdays and Fridays._

_Some of the students murmur over the bulletin, as they decide whether this is the correct sport for them._

_The next day, after school, the first assembly is held at the bowling alley for bowling tryouts._

**Bobby**: "So, this is the whole team?"

_The team before him consists of Joseph, Dooley, and Clark._

**Dooley**: "Where's the free food?"

**Bobby**: "Look guys, people may not know about or even appreciate bowling as much as they should, but once we get out skills toned, we will redefine the sport in the tri-county area!"

"Who's with me?"

_Brief silence._

**Dooley**: "I want a pretzel."

_(Bobby sighs)_

**Scene II - Getting it Together**

_The next evening, The Arlen Aeronauts attend their own bowling meeting._

_As everyone puts on their green bowling uniforms, Strickland makes his opening speech._

**Strickland**: "Now, I'm sure all of you have had some experience in the sport of bowling?" _(Team nods affirmatively)_

"That saves us some time. Okay, show me what ya got!"

_Donna goes up first, and throws the ball down the lane. She gets seven of the ten pins._

_The Aeronauts applaud._

_Donna picks up the spare._

_The Aeronauts applaud._

_Next is Joe Jack's turn. He manages to get a strike following a very powerful throw with his ball._

_The Aeronauts cheer and whistle._

_Enrique is up next. He has a hard time throwing the ball, and manages to knock down five pins._

_No response from the team._

_Enrique goes up, and knock down four more pins._

_The team responds with unenthusiastic applause._

_Next is Hank, the most experienced of the four. He picks up his bowling ball, focuses, and throws it. He manages to get a strike._

_The team applauds._

_As the game continues, Hank, Joe Jack, Donna, and Enrique each express a varying degree of success._

_In the end, the scores are about medium-high range; Hank - 179, Donna - 167, Joe Jack - 173, Enrique - 155._

_After two more games, and by the end of the meeting, each team mate has tuned their skills to satisfactory results._

**Strickland**: "Excellent! You've all made Buck very proud!

"Help yourselves to a round of beer...your treat!"

_The team makes unenthusiastic compliments._

**Strickland**: "At this rate, we'll be beating Thatherton and his goons with our eyes shut!"

**Scene III - Finding Help**

_That night, as Hank walks through the front door at home, Bobby seeks his guidance._

**Bobby**: "Dad, I got around to making my new bowling team..."

**Hank**: "All right, son!"

**Bobby**: "But there's only a few people interested, and they don't know the first thing about bowling!"

**Hank**: "Son, no one said that the game of bowling can be mastered overnight."

**Bobby**: "But Dad, we can't seem to locate a coach for our team!"

**Hank**: "Didn't you ask any of the professionals at the bowling alley?"

**Bobby**: "They're all tied down to obligations for their own teams."

"Please, Dad. You gotta help me! If I don't get this team off the ground, they won't include it in our next yearbook!"

**Hank**: _(sigh)_ "This is a big dilemma for me, Bobby. No high school should exclude bowling from their list of sports. But I'm already committed to my own bowling team at Strickland Propane. If they win, they get the first dibbs on a sale we're both having at the end of the month."

**Bobby**: "Pleeeeeeease?"

**Hank**: "Okay. When's your next meeting?"

**Bobby**: "This Friday at 4:30."

**Hank**: "Good. Our meetings are on Mondays and Wednesdays. That balances things out."

**Scene IV - The New Couple**

_At the end of the school day, Joseph has packed up his stuff, and is ready to head home. Connie walks up to him._

**Connie**: "Hey, Joseph."

**Joseph**: "Hi, Connie."

**Connie**: "Anything new?"

**Joseph**: "Not much."

**Connie**: "Hey, I was wondering...If you're not busy some time, we can...get together and, you know, talk and junk?"

**Joseph**?

_Joseph has a puzzled look on his face. Although he has admired Connie, he had previously failed time and again to actually go out with her._

_But instead of asking questions, he seizes the opportunity._

**Joseph**: "Sure. Call me."

_Connie smiles and walks away._

_Later, at the Gribbles' residence, Joseph talks with Dale and Nancy._

**Dale**!

**Dale**: "She said WHAT!"

**Joseph**: "Dude, I'm not kidding. After all these years, Connie finally said 'yes'! This is the best day of my life!"

**Dale**: "So, this 'Connie' says 'yes' when ordinarily she'd say 'no'. I'll have to stop by the Souphanousinphones some time for some alien scanning..."

**Nancy**: "Oh, congratulations, Sug! Your first real girlfriend!" _(hugs Joseph)_

**Dale**: "...and of course, I will need to use my ultraviolet light to detect any alien captives. You remember, Nancy? That one time I used it when you were in the bathtub--"

**Nancy**: "SUG!"

**Dale**: "Sorry, geez."

**Scene V - New Coach**

_On Friday, Bobby gathers the team for their second meeting._

**Bobby**: "Team, I would like to introduce you to our new coach: Hank Hill!"

_Brief silence._

**Dooley**: "You got your dad?"

**Joseph**: "Dude, are you sure nobody's gonna notice?"

**Hank**: "No they won't. Bobby doesn't get special treatment. He addresses me as 'Coach Hill' like the rest of you during games."

**Bobby**: "Thanks, Dad, eh, Coach." _(smiles)_

"People, one of the key ingredients to successful bowling is experience. Coach Hill happens to be very experienced, one of the most experienced in Arlen. We'd be committing a crime not to have him as our leader!"

**Clark**: "What crime?"

**Bobby**: "Moral ignorance! That's what!"

_Dooley picks up a spare in his final frame, where the first game draws to a close._

_At the end of the game, the scores are collected: Bobby - 106, Joseph - 88, Dooley - 94, Clark - 84._

_At the next Tuesday game, Hank has an important announcement._

**Hank**: "Everyone, we may not be getting off to a great start, but even the Cowboys have a few dry periods once in a while."

"Nevertheless, I got something to show everybody that we're out here and soon to be seen on the horizon."

_Hank hands out red shirts, labeled The Arlen Aviators, complete with a plane symbol._

**Joseph**: "New uniforms!"

**Hank**: "If we're gonna be a winning team, we gotta _look _like one!"

_The Arlen Aviators, with their growing confidence, play three excellent games with their new uniforms._

_The final scores are in: Bobby - 124, Joseph - 105, Dooley - 110, Clark - 99._

_The opposing team complains to their coach about their lack of uniforms._

**Boy #1**: "You still haven't got us uniforms yet!"

**Boy #2**: "What a cheapskate!"

_Joseph talks a bit with Coach Hank Hill._

**Joseph**: "How did we do, Coach?"

**Hank**: "Well, you're not perfect, but you all show some promise, so that's a good thing."

**Scene VI - Special Edition**

_One week later, in the late night hours, Peggy is typing on a computer, while looking at an article about an upcoming waterfront festival._

_As she continues typing, she sips on a cup of coffee._

_Peggy starts writing down notes on a notepad. The ink runs dry in the ink pen._

_As she reaches for a new pen, she knocks over some papers, and discovers another article from a magazine: "Bowling: America's Forgotten Sport?"_

_Peggy ignores her waterfront essay, and starts getting to work on a new bowling article._

_The next day, the Sports headline features the main story: "New Bowling Champs - The Arlen Aviators & Aeronauts!"_

_Minor article: "Record Low Attendance at Waterfront Festival"_

**Scene VII - Missing Teammate**

_Crowds appear at the Arlen Bowling Center on Friday, as they discuss the headline about the fledging bowling teams._

_Meanwhile, Hank oversees Bobby's discussion at their current meeting._

**Bobby**: "Has anyone seen Joseph lately?"

**Dooley**: "Nope"

**Clark**: "Nuh-uh."

**Bobby**: "Dang! We were just starting to find our stride."

**Hank**: "Bobby, for whatever member is absent, the remaining team has to compensate."

"Whether or not you find your stride, you'll still succeed at showing pride."

**Bobby**: "Okay, Dad."

_Bobby goes up to bowl. He tosses the ball down the lane. The ball hits the pins. He gets nine._

_The team applauds._

_Bobby tries to pick up the spare, but misses._

**Hank**: "You gave it your best shot, son."

_Clark is up next. He tries to replay Hank's words in his head._

_"For whatever member is absent, the remaining team has to compensate."_

_Clark throws the ball. It hits five pins. He throws the ball down a second time, and picks up three pins. He begins to get nervous._

_Next, it's Dooley's turn. He throws the ball down the lane, and only gets one pin._

_On his next throw, he too tries to replay Hank's words._

_"Whether or not you find your stride, you'll succeed at showing pride."_

_Dooley throws the ball, which curves, and makes a gutter._

**Dooley**: "My pride is gone."

_The team loses another practice round with the Witcita Wringers, a rival bowling team from Witcita Falls High School._

_Scores: Bobby - 98, Joseph - 0, Dooley - 90, Clark - 81._

_Just then, a voice calls Bobby from the other side of the alley._

**Daniel**: "Hey Bobby!" _(walks over with a stern look on his face)_

**Bobby**: "Uh-oh."

_Daniel sees the poor scores for the team._

**Daniel**: "Tsk, tsk, tsk. And a truant teammate?"

"Bobby, the more I look at this team, the more I think my decision was a mistake." _(walks away)_

**Hank**: "Huh, so that's your Student Activities Chairperson?" _(team nods affirmatively)_

"Let's take a break."

_The team heads over to the restaurant as the grumble to themselves with their heads hanging in shame..._

**Scene VIII - Meditation**

_One Tuesday after school, Joseph spends time at Connie's house. The two spend some time meditating to a Buddhist statue._

_But Joseph has trouble concentrating._

**Joseph**: "Uh, Connie?"

**Connie**: "Shhh!"

**Joseph**: "But I have a question."

**Connie**: "Ugh, now you made me lose my center!"

**Joseph**: "Why exactly are we doing this?"

**Connie**: "I already told you, Joseph. Meditating is the best way to earn enlightment, and inner peace. It requires _absolute silence_."

**Joseph**: "So that's why you're able to put up with so much junk everyday?"

**Connie**: "I guess. All you need to do is concentrate."

**Joseph**: "Okay."

_The two resume meditating, but are interrupted when a low grumbling sound is heard. _

_Joseph's stomach is growling._

**Joseph**: _(chuckles) _"Sorry. I'll be right back. I'm just gonna make a sandwich."

_Connie makes a frustrated sigh._

**Scene IX - Barbershop**

_On Friday, at Jack's Barbershop, Luanne finishes fixing up Connie's hair for her next date._

**Connie**: "Wow, it's so pretty!"

**Luanne**: "Thanks, but I could've done it at home for free."

**Connie**: "No, I owe you one. Thank _you_, Lu!" _(hands her 10 dollars)_

_Connie walks out the door. A moment later, Bobby shows up._

**Bobby**: "Luanne, I need a trim before my next bowling meeting."

**Luanne**: "Right away, Bobby."

_Luanne begins combing Bobby's hair, up until she decides to ask him a burning question._

**Luanne**: "Um, Bobby?"

**Bobby**: "Yeah?"

**Luanne**: "You know you and Connie haven't dated in..."

**Bobby**: "A long time? Indeed."

**Luanne**: "How would you feel if she started dating another guy?"

**Bobby**: "It doesn't matter if Connie dates another guy. Besides...she my Math and Science tutor."

**Luanne**: "Thank God! It's about time Joseph found himself a girl!"

**Bobby**: "Huh?"

**Luanne**: "I'm just sayin'...Without you, he seems kinda lonely."

**Bobby**: "I know what you mean."

"By the way, if you see Joseph, tell him he's due on the team tomorrow."

_Luanne sighs of relief as she continues trimming Bobby's hair._

**Scene X - Keeping Up**

_When the Arlen Aeronauts practice bowling the next day, Donna, Joe Jack, and Enrique improve as they go along. Hank, however, has a tough time keeping up._

_When he's up to bowl, he is unable to focus. He throws the ball, and only manages to hit one pin._

_Scores: Hank - 112, Donna - 183, Joe Jack - 172, Enrique - 164._

**Strickland**: "Got-danggit, Hank! What's wrong? You're dragging the whole team down!"

**Hank**: "Sorry, sir. I..._ (yawn) _can't seem to get enough rest these days."

**Joe Jack**: "Honey, you better get as much as you can before the big game. Thatherton is gonna bulldoze all of us unless we give him our best, and then some!"

**Thatherton**: "Hey, Buck!"

_Waves tauntingly at him, then walks away._

**Strickland**: "Our only handicap is you Hank! You alone will make or break this team."

_Hank gets very stressed._

**Scene XI - New Member**

_The following week, after a few more games, Bobby has an important announcement._

**Bobby**: "Team, in light of Joseph's chronic absence, I took my dad's advice, and got a new team member."

**Goth Girl**: "What up?"

**Dooley**: "She's not very colorful."

**Goth Girl**: "Maybe not physically, but verbally."

**Clark**: "Bobby, are you sure about this?"

**Bobby**: "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"Show the team your skills."

_Goth Girl walks up to the platform with a black ball. She pauses in stance, throws, and bowls a strike._

**Clark**: _(scoffs)_ "Lucky."

_Goth Girl bowls several more times, each time getting a strike, much to the boys' awe._

**Clark**: "I'm without words."

**Dooley**: "She's a natural."

**Bobby**: "Then it's settled. Welcome to the team!"_ (shakes her hand)_

**Scene XII - Under New Management**

_At the end of the next game, the scores improve. Bobby - 130, Goth Girl - 185, Dooley - 126, Clark - 109._

_As the Arlen Aviators begin to make improvements, they notice their coach, Hank, is feeling quite fatigued._

**Goth Girl**: "Coach Hill, you're dozing off..in the middle of a game."

**Hank**: "I'm sorry. I've been doubling between teams for so long, I barely have anymore downtime."

**Clark**: "But we're doing so well under your supervision."

**Bobby**: "Yeah, Dad. If it weren't for your years of wisdom and experience, we never would've gotten this good."

_The team agrees, as they make a group hug with their coach._

**Hank**: _(chuckles uneasily)_ "Okay, that's enough."

**Man**: "You're damn right it is!"

**Hank**: "Huh?"

_The man in question is none other than Cotton Hill._

**Cotton**: "Starting today, "_I'm_ running the show!"

**Hank**: _"Bwah!"_

_**(end of Act II)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**King of the Hill**

**Bowling Green**

written by: Mr. Semaj

**Act III**

**Scene I - Pressure**

**Hank**: "Dad, what are you doing--?"

**Cotton**: "I'm putting some zing back into my life! That's what!"

"Your double-crossing step-mother took half my belongings with her following our divorce!"

_Didi is seen across the alley with G.H. in a stroller._

**Didi**: "Cotton, let's talk about--"

**Cotton**: "SHADDAP, CUNT!"

_Didi starts crying as she runs away._

**Cotton**: "Your coach is falling asleep at the wheel, because he's a got-dang sissy! He'd NEVER survive in Iraq!"

**Hank**: "But Dad--"

**Cotton**: "SILENCE! You're dismissed! _I'm_ the new coach of the Arlen Arbitrators!"

_The team starts to tremble in fear._

_Later that day, the men are out in the alley sipping beer._

**Dale**: "So the colonel's commandeered your bowling crew?"

**Hank**: "Bobby's. The guy has no shins, and has never bowled a game in his life."

**Boomhauer**: "Yo, man. Talkin' 'bout dang ol' nothin' better to do wit' his life. Ya know, why don't he go back to doin' what Boomhauer, does, yo?"

**Hank**: "He got the short end of the stick in this divorce, which more than makes up for the divorce he put my Mom through. Now he's sworn off women for the rest of his life."

_(sighs) _"This is awful. I finally have the time to bring Mr. Strickland's team back up, but now if I leave Bobby's team to Cotton, he will ruin everything, and I will have let down my son."

_Brief silence._

**Bill**: "Hank, you ever get tired of being a punching bag?"

**Hank**: _(annoyed) _"That makes two of us."

**Scene II - Back on Track**

_With only one team to manage now, Hank focuses his extra time on Strickland's bowling team. In their last Wednesday meeting before te Championship, they begin to make noticeable improvements._

_Scores: Hank - 182, Donna - 188, Joe Jack - 195, Enrique - 179._

**Enrique**: "Wow, Hank! You're really showing a lot more spirit tonight!"

**Joe Jack**: "Yeah. We may actually beat those jerks after all!"

**Hank**: _(wearily)_ "Yeah, I guess."

**Strickland**: "What's wrong, Hank? I've seen you weather slow days better than this."

**Hank**: "Nothing, sir. I was recently let go...by a stranger...for coaching my son's bowling team. He doesn't know the first thing about bowling, and now he's gonna screw up the hard work I put into making my son an athlete."

**Strickland**: "If there's anything troubling you, ol' top, it can always be solved with a little excitement."

_Donna is up to bowl. She throws the ball, and picks up a spare. The others applaud._

**Strickland**: "See Hank, we all moved on after Debbie left us. Donna just so happens to be a damn good bowler!"

_Hank sees a poster announcing the championship games for both the Aviators and the Aeronauts. He takes the time to ponder how things will go for both he and Bobby..._

**Scene III - Heart to Heart Talk**

_On Thursday, Connie and Joseph go on a date to the Heimlich Center Science Museum. They marvel at the astronomical exhibits._

**Connie**: "Isn't it great, Joseph?"

**Joseph**: "What's great?"

**Connie**: "Just look at it! The moons, the stars, and the planets...it makes you wonder, even with all the scientific accomplishments made up to today, how much more is to be discovered in the big, endless universe."

**Joseph**: "Pretty neat...Do you ever wonder if there's a parallel universe?"

**Connie**: "Joseph, I don't think you understand..."

_Just then, Principal Moss comes by._

**Moss**: "Well, if it isn't two of Tom Landry Middle School's alumni. How are you guys?"

**Connie**: "Fine, Principal Moss."

**Moss**: "Please, call me Mr. Moss. Great to hear that you guys have been doing so well since 8th Grade."

"By the way, why are you two here? Science project?"

**Joseph**: "Uh, no. We're on a date."

**Moss**?

**Connie**: "Uh, actually, I was just helping Joseph...on a planetary assignment that's due next Thursday." _(chuckles uneasily)_

**Moss**: "Okay, I'll be on my way. Knowledge is power!" _(walks away)_

**Joseph**: "But Connie, I don't think I'll memorize all the twelve planets by next week. And we're not even up to Astronomy yet."

**Connie**: _(exasperated sigh)_ "Joseph, there is no test! And there's twelve planets in our solar system."

**Joseph**: "That's a good start, but slow down."

**Connie**: _(sighs)_ "Joseph, come here."

_They sit down on a nearby bench, as Connie tries to begin the conversation._

**Connie**: "Joseph...um...what do you plan on doing with your life?"

**Joseph**: "Well, I thought about being a professional athlete, but Mom doesn't want me to risk getting into the steroids craze."

**Connie**: "Well, in order to keep up with your goals, you have to stay focused on what you have now. We still have another three years of high school, and then college ahead of us. You could start by showing a little more interest in studying, even for fun."

**Joseph**: "Whoa! You do studying for fun?"

**Connie**: _(sighs)_ "Maybe it's time we took a break."

**Joseph**: "So, you're breaking up with me?"

**Connie**: "Of course not. Joseph, we've been...acquainted for the past three and a half years. But only recently have I finally begun to see you for who you really are."

**Joseph**: "Connie, I may not be the type of guy you'd like to have, but... _(holds back a tear)_ ...I try. I really do."

**Connie**: "I know."

_Joseph gazes into Connie's eyes. Connie gazes into Joseph's eyes. They loom in, and kiss each other on the lips. The ethereal atmosphere takes shape, as Connie seemingly floats into thin air.  
_

_Suddenly, the music stops._

**Connie**: "Uh, Joseph..." _(Joseph lifted Connie into the air with his arms)_

**Joseph**: "Heh, sorry." _(puts her down)_

**Scene IV - The Big Championship**

_That night, Peggy is typing up another report. It's another headline announcing the big championship for both the junior and senior teams on Saturday._

_Main headline - "Double Face-Off at the Arlen Bowling Center!"_

_Minor headline - "Local Bug Exterminator Charged with Home Invasion"_

_On Saturday, a big crowd turns out for the senior bowling championship._

**Announcer #1**: "Hello. Welcome to the 54th annual Senior Bowling Championships, here at the Arlen Bowling Center."

_Bobby gets ready bowl._

_The other teammates glare nervously at Cotton, who has a belt in his hands._

_A big crowd turns out at a second bowling game on the other side of the alley..._

**Announcer #2**: "Hello. Welcome to the 27th annual Junior Bowling Championships, here at the Arlen Bowling Center."

"Today is game for the Championship title with the Arlen Aviators, versus the MacManurberry Bombardiers."

_Hank gets ready to bowl._

_The other teammates glare at Buck's serious attitude towards the game._

**Announcer #1**: "So get ready, folks!"

**Announcer #2**: "Stay in your seats!"

**Announcer #1**: "Lets..."

**Announcer #2**: "...get..."

**Announcer #1**: "...ready..."

**Announcer #2**: "...to..."

**Announcers #1 & #2**: "...BOWL!"

_Hank gets nervous..._

_Bobby gets nervous..._

_Montage._

_Hank and Bobby continue to bowl, with their teams bowling strikes and spares._

_Enrique gets a gutter. Hank has to re-explain the strategy to him._

_When Clark bowls and fails to pick up a spare, Cotton yells at him._

_Donna picks up a 5-7 split. Team cheers._

_Goth girl bowls a strike, resulting in a turkey. Team and audience cheers and applauds._

_Joe Jack bowls another strike with his powerful throw. The audience applauds._

_Bobby picks up a spare. Team cheers._

_Both teams continue to bowl, up until the 9th frame._

_Montage ends._

**Scene V - Tension Builds**

**Announcer #1**: "Well, folks, we're down to the final frame. It's the Arlen Aeronauts slightly behind the Arlen Bedevilers by 15 pins."

**Announcer #2**: "It's the MacManurberry Bombardiers ahead of the Arlen Aviators by 9 pins."

**Strickland**: "Hank, you're up! It's all up to you."

_Hank nervously goes up to bowl._

_Clark looks across the alley._

**Clark**: "Where's Coach Hill?"

**Goth Girl**: "Forget about the coach! We need _Bobby _to win this game!"

_Bobby goes up to bowl. He throws the ball, and knocks down 8 pins._

_Team and crowd applauds._

_Bobby picks up the spare, and prepares for his final frame._

_The pressure is on. Everyone is counting on him. His team. His coach. His dad. Everyone._

_Suddenly, he remembers what Hank told him once before; "Be thankful that God allows another day."_

_Just then, bowling didn't seem like the most important thing to him anymore. Even if he failed here, Bobby still had his whole life to find another thing to fall back on._

_He gained some inner confidence, put the ball into position, and took his steps forward._

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_Bobby throws the ball. The ball makes a slight curve right. It knocks down...all ten pins!_

_Scores: Bobby - 167, Goth Girl - 201, Dooley - 153, Clark - 125._

_With Bobby's score of 167, the Arlen Aviators have won the game by one strike!_

_The Bombardiers pout in disappointment._

**Announcer #2**: "Ladies and gentlemen, our new junior bowling champions...The Arlen Aviators!"

_The audience cheers as the team goes to congratulate Bobby._

_Meanwhile, Hank prepares to make the bowl for the last frame. _

_He gets nervous, but pauses._

_Hank tries to envision a team of pilots steering a blimp. A blimp that advertises Alamo Beer over a stadium during a Cowboys game._

_He gains his inner strength. He goes up, puts the ball into position, and takes his three steps forward._

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_Hank throws the ball. It goes straight down the lane. The ball knocks down all ten pins!_

_Hank's score puts the Arlen Aeronauts ahead by 9 pins!_

_The audience cheers._

**Announcer #1**: "It's not over yet, folks! The Bedevilers need to either get a strike, or pick up a spare to win this game."

_The Aeronauts look over to Thatherton, who looks overwhelmingly confident._

_He goes up to the platform, puts the ball into position, and throws it down the lane._

_The ball flies through the air, thuds, and makes a sharp curve to the left gutter._

_The audience gasps._

_The Bedevilers gasp in disbelief._

_Thatherton gets nervous. His ball returns. He picks it up, and starts to tremble._

_He tries to stiffen up. He focuses, and finally throws the ball down the lane again._

_The ball rolls down the middle, presumably with a spare ensured. It knocks down all..._

_...but one pin._

_The game is over! _

_Scores: Hank - 223, Donna - 211, Joe Jack - 219, Enrique - 190._

_Hank's score of 223 leads the Arlen Aeronauts to victory!_

**Announcer #1**: "They say it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings. And this fat lady has sung herself...to death!"

_The audience cheers at the Aeronauts' victory._

_Thatherton starts beating himself up, as the Bedevilers start berating him for his last-minute failure._

_With the games finally over, Hank goes over to see how the Aviators did._

_As luck would have it, they were still celebrating their own victory._

_Bobby gracefully holds up his first place trophy for the cameras._

_Hank holds the trophy up for the nearby cameras, but has it quickly snatched away by Buck Strickland, as he begins to gloat._

**Strickland**: "HA HA HA! I beat ya idiots fair and square! We won the trophy, and there ain't a got-dang thing you can do about it! YEEE-HAW!"

_As Bedevilers walk away with their heads hung low, Buck starts nibbling on a plate of brownies on a table._

**Thatherton**: _(snickering to himself)_ "The joke's on him; he's gonna be feeling those laxatives in the morning."

_Just then, Bobby comes running to Hank._

**Bobby**: "Dad, we won!"

**Hank**: "We did, too!"

**Bobby**: "I guess this means we're both winners."

**Hank**: "Guess what else it means?"

**Bobby**: "What?"

**Hank**: "This is your first real trophy...ever!"

_Bobby gasps in surprise._

**Hank**: "What happened to your 'new coach'?"

**Bobby**: "He wasn't around for too much of the game. Don't know where he's been, though."

_Cotton starts screaming as he's running from the bar section. Two men are chasing him._

**Cotton**: "They were wearing bikinis, and all the men had smokes and beers! How was I to know it wasn't a strip club!"

_Cotton starts screaming as he runs out the door._

**Bobby**: "Well, there goes our new team captain."

**Hank**: "Bobby, if anybody deserves to be team captain, it's you."

_Hank hands Bobby the Aviators Captain shirt, the same one that Cotton had removed at some point. Bobby smiles._

_A voice calls Bobby from behind him._

**Daniel**: "Hey Bobby!"

"Sorry I ever doubted you!" _(gives him thumbs up)_

**Bobby**: _(in narrative) "I guess it's true...miracles can happen."_

_They walk together towards the party celebrating victory for both teams._

**Scene VI - A Day at the Park**

_On a breezy day in the park, some people are enjoying time in the meadow flying kites. Luanne is nearby picking some flowers._

_Just then, she hears some rustling in the bushes. She tries to ignore it. She hears more rustling, and turns the cheek. The rustling continues, and Luanne makes her way towards the bushes. The rustling stops as the shadowy figure runs off._

_Luanne walks back to collect more flowers. She then hears some approaching footsteps. They get closer, and closer, and closer, until..._

_...someone touches her shoulders. She makes a surprised yelp._

**Connie**: "LEAP FROG!"

_She leaps onto Luanne's shoulders, and Luanne wobbles around, until the both go tumbling into the grass. The girls share a laugh._

_As the girls stare into the clouds, they talk._

**Luanne**: "How are things with Joseph?"

**Connie**: "Eh, we're still working a few things out. We'll still be going to the theatre next week."

"How are things with you?"

**Luanne**: "Could be better. I thought I saw Rad at the supermarket the other day. Turns out it was a look-a-like named Brad."

**Connie**: "Oh..."

"If you're not busy, wanna hang out tonight?"

**Luanne**: "True friends..."

**Connie**: "True hearts..."

**Luanne & Connie**: "That is what counts in life."

_The girls reconfirm their friendship with a pinky promise._

**Scene VII - The New Champions**

_Colored flags are hung up at Strickland Propane._

_On their lunch break, Hank, Buck Strickland, and the other team members stand as they look gracefully at the trophy in Strickland's office. The song America the Beautiful plays..._

_At Arlen High, Bobby finishes shining something. He steps back, as he, Dooley, Goth Girl, and Clark look at it._

**Bobby**: "We are The Champions."

_The four teammates stand in unison as they look gracefully at their trophy in the display case. The song America the Beautiful continues..._

_**(end of Act III)**_

**The End**

**Tagline:**

**Dooley**: "My pride is gone."


End file.
